phil english scares me every day, not just on halloween

death violet writes: “i want to go to italy to see the mummies.”

perfect, just in time for halloween.

i have had no feelings about halloween this year. there are too many other things happening and october has passed me by.

(starr, warning: this may have little to do with the email. but it is inspired by the email. that’s the rulez, right?)

i haven’t posted since tuesday? it seems like yesterday. much respect to those who can keep up a daily blog – you are amazing.

i generally like halloween. october is my favorite month, and here it is over. october is over. but there is still halloween tomorrow…i bet death violet is dressing up.

it is difficult to blog when the elections are only eight days away and one is attempting to buy a car. let me tell you, the rumors are true: car salespeople are intolerable. i almost bought a saturn from this dealership, but the guy has been harassing me for two days: “so what do you think? you wanna buy? let me just put all the paper work through and you can give me the yes or no whenever you are ready. no pressure. really, no pressure. but i will say, if you could tell us by tomorrow at five, it would really help my numbers – it’s the end of the month you know.”

listen: i know me buying a car will make you money. but don’t phrase it that way – we aren’t friends. i don’t care if i put you over the top, or help you reach some kind of quota. you have more money than me, probably drive a nicer car than i’m buying off of you, but please. try to pretend that you care that i’m doing what is best for me.

i’m so naïve to think one salesperson might work with me, rather than work to play me.

tonight, i went and looked at this other car – the one i’m most likely going to buy. the sales manager (the guy above the guy who was actually working with me to sell the car) came over and i recognized him immediately. i had seen him really drunk a number of times around town (i realized this later after i returned home). we both knew that we had seen each other immediately, but neither could actually place the other. before he even introduced himself, he said this: “hey, didn’t i get really drunk with you one time? (yes, well not with me per say. but i was around you at a bar where you got really intoxicated, told everyone about your shitty life at the time, and then put your arms around everyone there at some point.) i didn’t try to fight you did i? you know, i broke my rib yesterday laying insulation. my name is bill, i’m the sales manager around here.” all of that before i spoke a word.

i did like the salesman i dealt with – he wasn’t pushy and didn’t ask me if he had ever tried to fight me.

so maybe i’ll buy a car on halloween. i hope that doesn’t jinx the car or the purchase. it would spook me about buying cars forever.

what’s another seven or eight grand of debt when one is already paying off that graduate degree? until i’m in my forties…

sidenote: my dad, a republican who has voted for the incumbent representative each time he ran, yesterday showed me some hope. he was on the phone with his buddy discussing the latest steelers’ collapse and the conversation drifted into politics. i only heard his side of the conversation, but it went like this:

dad: “yeah, how’s he doing?”

pause.

dad: “he hurt his back?”

pause.

dad: “(chuckle) he probably hurt his back putting all those yard signs in.”

pause. more chuckling from dad.

dad: “yeah, i drove by his house yesterday and saw all those signs. swann, hart, english, santorium (yes, he pronounced it wrong. he always does. but i don’t care because he is voting for casey.) he probably has his lips on bush’s ass just like hart and english and santorium.”

it is unlikely that phil “pork chop” english can lose this year. but if my dad – who has voted for english the last four or five elections – is voting against him, maybe there is some hope.