miko's box in a box
Miko writes: “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
thinking you can solicit creativity from RANDOM strangers?
WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO YOU THINK WE LIVE IN?
do you think creativity is FREE?
HAVE YOU BEEN OUTDOORS? LATELY?
people are trying to pay their bills, trying to afford their new
plasma T.V., trying to scrounge enough change for their latest 'self-
help' book, trying to get enough money for their weekend date so
their partner won't think they're 'poor bastards who can't even
support themselves,' - Not to mention all the people who need to rent
a new movie tonight so they 'Have something to do,' and the people
who need to make their $564 payment on their 2006 Honda -
My god, man - They're running around out there, totally distraught
over EVERYTHING!
Sure, they collect music, buy a POSTER here and there, have cute
little BOOKS of practical advice and emotional sentiment cleverly
sculpted into easy-to-remember limericks and poemy-catch-phrases -
BUT MAN! COME ON!
they don't have the TIME to strum on a cheap guitar, smear some
watercolor, or pen anything down.
SHEESH MAN.
be a little easier on people.
it's a hard life out here. planet earth demands SO MUCH. just look at
pictures from outer space - there she is, trying so hard to SPIN,
making every effort to ORBIT, and it must be a ROYAL BITCH trying to
capture all those photons from the sun - not to mention HOW she
managed to win some lottery to be the 3rd, most perfectly positioned
planet suitable for life.
MAN.
I can't BELIEVE you think CREATIVITY is FREE.
Get a FUCKING JOB.”
i’ll answer miko’s six questions in the order he asked them:
1. “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?” chuck bundchen. and no, before you ask, no relation to gisele. nor am i from brazil.
funny story actually. my family originally came to the u.s. from the south of france, a small town called fontvieille. my great-great-great-great grandfather, thierry bundchequelle, labored in the nearby stone quarries. it was difficult work, but paid the bills.
a single man in his early twenties with money in his pocket was bound to find some trouble in fontvieille. and thierry was no different. he had a penchant for underage women, and even an age of consent of fourteen proved to be a problem for great-great-great-great-grandpappy, or G4-Pappy as my family has come to remember him by. one evening after a particularly tough day slinging stone, thierry found himself at the local watering hole getting a little too friendly with his twelve-year old server, the tavern owner’s daughter. now details are few, as this occurred in 1847 (not to mention it isn’t exactly the most positive glowing tale about my ancestry), but it seems he was caught in some kind of mid-nineteenth century precursor to “to catch a predator.” apparently it involved a broadside in the men’s room, grain alcohol, and the very promiscuous female server. i know, i know: sick.
needless to say, thierry bundchequelle had to get out of fontvieille – and fast. as he ran home from the drunken angry mob that was chasing him, G4-Pappy happened to notice another broadside that night, tacked to a lamppost in the street. it promised that if he signed up to fight for mexico in "the north american intervention,” he would be rewarded with a plot of land of a few acres in the texas territory after it was reclaimed. thierry decided then and there he was bound for mexico; he escaped the mob and boarded a ship a few days later for the war and the promise of a better life.
once he made it to mexico, thierry dropped the quelle from his name, and added an “n.” no one knows why he added the “n,” but my grandfather always said “he added an ‘n’ ‘cuz that wuz the ‘n’ of his old life; he wuz startin’ anew here in america.” (grandpa was from the hills – but that’s another story.)
once in mexico, thierry signed up for the army and was sent north to fight the americans. but by the time he reached the front in late 1847, the war was all but over. when the war officially ended in february of ’48, mexico was a loser, texas was still an american state, and thierry was penniless having spent all of his savings for the voyage across the atlantic.
the next few years are a bit sketchy, but by 1853 thierry can be traced to south carolina, working for the South Carolina Railroad Company. again, he had managed to save up quite a bit of money over a few years since arriving in north america.
about his time the former president of the South Carolina Railroad Company, james gadsden, was appointed by the american government to negotiate with mexico the purchase of land in arizona and new mexico for the completion of a southern transcontinental railroad. now, somewhere between 1848 and 1853, thierry had made the acquaintance of james gadsden. and gadsden must have told G4-Pappy about an idea for a canal that was to be built on the isthmus of tehuantepec. gadsden explained to thierry that he was working his connections in washington so as to be named chief negotiator for this land deal with mexico, and if he was selected, gadsden certainly would be including a section in the treaty that would allow a company that he would be investing in to build the canal. and would thierry like to invest in the company?
thierry poured his savings into the risky deal. gadsden became the chief negotiator of the land deal. and just like he said, the gadsden purchase included a provision guaranteeing the united states the right to build a canal on isthmus of tehuantepec.
thierry continued investing all the money he could over the next five years as gadsden again worked his contacts in washington to persuade the federal government to move on the proposed canal in mexico. unfortunately gadsden died in 1858, and the isthmus of panama proved to be narrower that tehuantepec. panama eventually got the canal and thierry was out all of his savings again.
things became worse after this for thierry. in early 1860, he caught a nasty case of gonorrhoea from a woman in cleveland, and died soon after. before dying, he learned that the woman was pregnant, and married her as he thought it to be the most honorable thing to do under the circumstances. he never met his son, thierry bundchen II, named after his late father.
thierry II, or G3-Pappy as my family liked – wait a second. why am i writing out my family history for a bunch of strangers? especially the parts about how my great-great-great-great-grandfather had to leave france in shame after molesting a 12-year-old barmaid, and how he escaped to mexico just in time to help lose the mexican-american war? and then lose his life savings in a crackpot canal endeavor? and then to die of the clap in cleveland?
let’s leave it at this: who the fuck am i? chuck bundchen. and i have a job: i donate plasma for a living.
2. “thinking you can solicit creativity from RANDOM strangers?” i don’t want your creativity. i just want your email. it’s more like i’m a negative spammer. rather than sending you garbage, you send me garbage. it’s fun – you should try it. negative spamming.
3. “WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO YOU THINK WE LIVE IN?” an amazing one. have you seen the iPhone? i mean, come on. when would you rather have lived? seriously dude.
i’ll take 2007.
4. “do you think creativity is FREE?” no, apparently it is going to cost around $599.
5. “HAVE YOU BEEN OUTDOORS?” in my life? yes. that seems like a silly question.
6. “LATELY?” ooohhhhh. lately. lately have i been outdoors? kind of. four hours ago. it was getting cooler and had started raining.
thinking you can solicit creativity from RANDOM strangers?
WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO YOU THINK WE LIVE IN?
do you think creativity is FREE?
HAVE YOU BEEN OUTDOORS? LATELY?
people are trying to pay their bills, trying to afford their new
plasma T.V., trying to scrounge enough change for their latest 'self-
help' book, trying to get enough money for their weekend date so
their partner won't think they're 'poor bastards who can't even
support themselves,' - Not to mention all the people who need to rent
a new movie tonight so they 'Have something to do,' and the people
who need to make their $564 payment on their 2006 Honda -
My god, man - They're running around out there, totally distraught
over EVERYTHING!
Sure, they collect music, buy a POSTER here and there, have cute
little BOOKS of practical advice and emotional sentiment cleverly
sculpted into easy-to-remember limericks and poemy-catch-phrases -
BUT MAN! COME ON!
they don't have the TIME to strum on a cheap guitar, smear some
watercolor, or pen anything down.
SHEESH MAN.
be a little easier on people.
it's a hard life out here. planet earth demands SO MUCH. just look at
pictures from outer space - there she is, trying so hard to SPIN,
making every effort to ORBIT, and it must be a ROYAL BITCH trying to
capture all those photons from the sun - not to mention HOW she
managed to win some lottery to be the 3rd, most perfectly positioned
planet suitable for life.
MAN.
I can't BELIEVE you think CREATIVITY is FREE.
Get a FUCKING JOB.”
i’ll answer miko’s six questions in the order he asked them:
1. “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?” chuck bundchen. and no, before you ask, no relation to gisele. nor am i from brazil.
funny story actually. my family originally came to the u.s. from the south of france, a small town called fontvieille. my great-great-great-great grandfather, thierry bundchequelle, labored in the nearby stone quarries. it was difficult work, but paid the bills.
a single man in his early twenties with money in his pocket was bound to find some trouble in fontvieille. and thierry was no different. he had a penchant for underage women, and even an age of consent of fourteen proved to be a problem for great-great-great-great-grandpappy, or G4-Pappy as my family has come to remember him by. one evening after a particularly tough day slinging stone, thierry found himself at the local watering hole getting a little too friendly with his twelve-year old server, the tavern owner’s daughter. now details are few, as this occurred in 1847 (not to mention it isn’t exactly the most positive glowing tale about my ancestry), but it seems he was caught in some kind of mid-nineteenth century precursor to “to catch a predator.” apparently it involved a broadside in the men’s room, grain alcohol, and the very promiscuous female server. i know, i know: sick.
needless to say, thierry bundchequelle had to get out of fontvieille – and fast. as he ran home from the drunken angry mob that was chasing him, G4-Pappy happened to notice another broadside that night, tacked to a lamppost in the street. it promised that if he signed up to fight for mexico in "the north american intervention,” he would be rewarded with a plot of land of a few acres in the texas territory after it was reclaimed. thierry decided then and there he was bound for mexico; he escaped the mob and boarded a ship a few days later for the war and the promise of a better life.
once he made it to mexico, thierry dropped the quelle from his name, and added an “n.” no one knows why he added the “n,” but my grandfather always said “he added an ‘n’ ‘cuz that wuz the ‘n’ of his old life; he wuz startin’ anew here in america.” (grandpa was from the hills – but that’s another story.)
once in mexico, thierry signed up for the army and was sent north to fight the americans. but by the time he reached the front in late 1847, the war was all but over. when the war officially ended in february of ’48, mexico was a loser, texas was still an american state, and thierry was penniless having spent all of his savings for the voyage across the atlantic.
the next few years are a bit sketchy, but by 1853 thierry can be traced to south carolina, working for the South Carolina Railroad Company. again, he had managed to save up quite a bit of money over a few years since arriving in north america.
about his time the former president of the South Carolina Railroad Company, james gadsden, was appointed by the american government to negotiate with mexico the purchase of land in arizona and new mexico for the completion of a southern transcontinental railroad. now, somewhere between 1848 and 1853, thierry had made the acquaintance of james gadsden. and gadsden must have told G4-Pappy about an idea for a canal that was to be built on the isthmus of tehuantepec. gadsden explained to thierry that he was working his connections in washington so as to be named chief negotiator for this land deal with mexico, and if he was selected, gadsden certainly would be including a section in the treaty that would allow a company that he would be investing in to build the canal. and would thierry like to invest in the company?
thierry poured his savings into the risky deal. gadsden became the chief negotiator of the land deal. and just like he said, the gadsden purchase included a provision guaranteeing the united states the right to build a canal on isthmus of tehuantepec.
thierry continued investing all the money he could over the next five years as gadsden again worked his contacts in washington to persuade the federal government to move on the proposed canal in mexico. unfortunately gadsden died in 1858, and the isthmus of panama proved to be narrower that tehuantepec. panama eventually got the canal and thierry was out all of his savings again.
things became worse after this for thierry. in early 1860, he caught a nasty case of gonorrhoea from a woman in cleveland, and died soon after. before dying, he learned that the woman was pregnant, and married her as he thought it to be the most honorable thing to do under the circumstances. he never met his son, thierry bundchen II, named after his late father.
thierry II, or G3-Pappy as my family liked – wait a second. why am i writing out my family history for a bunch of strangers? especially the parts about how my great-great-great-great-grandfather had to leave france in shame after molesting a 12-year-old barmaid, and how he escaped to mexico just in time to help lose the mexican-american war? and then lose his life savings in a crackpot canal endeavor? and then to die of the clap in cleveland?
let’s leave it at this: who the fuck am i? chuck bundchen. and i have a job: i donate plasma for a living.
2. “thinking you can solicit creativity from RANDOM strangers?” i don’t want your creativity. i just want your email. it’s more like i’m a negative spammer. rather than sending you garbage, you send me garbage. it’s fun – you should try it. negative spamming.
3. “WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO YOU THINK WE LIVE IN?” an amazing one. have you seen the iPhone? i mean, come on. when would you rather have lived? seriously dude.
i’ll take 2007.
4. “do you think creativity is FREE?” no, apparently it is going to cost around $599.
5. “HAVE YOU BEEN OUTDOORS?” in my life? yes. that seems like a silly question.
6. “LATELY?” ooohhhhh. lately. lately have i been outdoors? kind of. four hours ago. it was getting cooler and had started raining.
posted by greg @ 10:56 PM
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